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Look out for these early warning signs that you're dating a narcissist

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Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and the author of "Rethinking Narcissism" reveals the common traits of narcissists when dating. Following is a transcript of the video.

Craig Malkin: Hi, I'm Dr. Craig Malkin. I'm a clinical psychologist, author, and lecturer for Harvard Medical School.

Some early warning signs that you're with a narcissist when you're dating someone that you really want to pay attention to all come down to one thing: All narcissists hate depending on others in mutually caring and emotional ways.

When they're feeling sad, scared, lonely — any of those vulnerable feelings, they go out of their way to avoid acknowledging it, recognizing it, being open about it. And that leads happily to some very clear predictable strategies that we can see when we're dating somebody early on.

One of the most common is something I call playing "emotional Hot Potato." When somebody is extremely narcissistic, instead of saying "I'm feeling unsure of myself." or "I don't really know what I'm doing." they say and do things to make you feel that way.

So, a classic example is — I had a client who was applying for graduate school. Her boyfriend had no clue what he was going to do with the rest of his life. He really hadn't had the faintest idea. But rather than talk to her about that, he would stand over her shoulders, and he would say "Are you sure you want to apply to that place? That seems a little bit out of your league." In this way he would sure up his own sense of certainty about what he knows about the world by undermining her feelings that she knew what she was doing. That is a classic example of playing emotional Hot Potato.

Another really common one that isn't so obvious is something I call "stealth control." This can be a lot of fun and can be very sneaky. You meet somebody. You meet a guy. You're dating him, and he keeps showing up at the last minute with concert tickets or sweeping you off your feet to go someplace — a restaurant that you've never been to before. All that's wonderful and fabulous. But every time you decide you want to go try some new place, or you make plans, he cancels at last minute, or it's too far, or he's too tired, or a million excuses. And before you realize it, everything that you're doing — as much fun as it is is really what he wants. That's stealth control.

As you can see it can be very subtle, but these are just a couple of the signs that can show up early on when somebody is extremely narcissistic before you see any of the way more dangerous signs that can happen later down the line.

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Everyone’s a little bit narcissistic, but 5 traits can give true narcissists away

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rachel getting married

  • Narcissism looks slightly different in everyone, so leave the diagnosis to clinical professionals.
  • But there are certain common traits among narcissistic individuals.
  • Those traits include a lack of empathy, a need for admiration, and a preoccupation with status.


If you think you might be a narcissist — or if you think your boss, best friend, or partner might be one — you could be right. That said, you shouldn't go ahead and label them based on a hunch. Leave the diagnosis to a clinical professional.

Narcissism looks different in everyone, and varies in extremity. But psychologists and researchers have pinpointed a few key characteristics that apply to almost all narcissists.

They are:

SEE ALSO: 21 signs you're a narcissist

They feel different from others

Craig Malkin, a lecturer at Harvard Medical School and the author of "Rethinking Narcissism,"told Psychology Today that there are different types of narcissists.

For example, some are "communal," meaning they're so altruistic it's almost sickening. Others are "vulnerable,"  meaning they're sensitive to criticism and need constant reassurance.

But Malkin said all narcissists have "self-enhancement" in common: They somehow stand out from the pack.

Ultimately, it's a way of masking an unstable self-image. Eddie Brummelman, a developmental psychologist and a fellow at Stanford University, told Psychology Today that while narcissists feel superior to others, "they are not necessarily satisfied with themselves as a person."



They lack empathy

Joseph Burgo, a psychologist and the author of "The Narcissist You Know,"previously told Business Insider that the No. 1 sign of narcissism is an absence of interest in other people and an inability to feel for them.

For example, a narcissist might lose interest in group conversations when they're no longer about them, or feel completely indifferent when people talk to them about their emotions and issues they're struggling with. That makes it virtually impossible to develop a deep connection with anyone.



They need people to admire them

Psychotherapist Kathleen Schafler says one of the hallmark characteristics of narcissism is needing other people to ooh and aah over them.

Schafler wrote on Business Insider that a narcissist might "expect people to lose their cookies when they show up to an event or a party, and are often surprised or perplexed if people don't."



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

5 ways narcissism makes people stronger, smarter, and more successful

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  • Narcissism in small doses can make you a healthier, more successful person.
  • Scientists have studied the myriad benefits of being mildly narcissistic.
  • Those benefits include greater life satisfaction, stronger relationships, and less social anxiety.


In his 2015 book, "Rethinking Narcissism," Harvard Medical School psychologist Craig Malkin adds some nuance to the conversation around narcissism. News flash: It's not all bad.

Malkin introduces the concept of "healthy narcissism," which means that you display some narcissistic qualities — but they contribute to, rather than detract from, your success in life.

He also suggests that narcissism isn't a fixed trait — you can display more or less of it at certain points in your life.

As it turns out, there's a growing body of research on the relative benefits of narcissism (though not all scientists use the term "healthy narcissism"). We checked out some of that research and highlighted the most compelling insights on how narcissism can change your life for the better.

SEE ALSO: Everyone’s a little bit narcissistic, but 5 traits can give true narcissists away

DON'T MISS: 21 signs you're a narcissist

Narcissistic people can sometimes be psychologically healthier than other people

Five studies, published in 2004 in the journal Personality Processes and Individual Differences, looked at some benefits of narcissism. Hundreds of people participated.

Results showed that narcissists tended to be less depressed, lonely, anxious, and neurotic, and reported greater well-being than people who scored low on narcissism.

The study authors write:

"[H]igh narcissists may be socially callous, but that is no reason for them not to be psychologically healthy. To use a far-fetched metaphor, the mind of a narcissist is like a sports utility vehicle. It is great to be in the driving seat, but fellow motorists must watch out, lest a collision with this mobile fortress demolish their more humble hatchbacks."



Being moderately narcissistic seems to protect against social anxiety

A 2010 study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, found that female college students who scored moderately high on a measure of narcissism were less worried about the way their bodies looked during exercise.

 



Narcissistic adolescents and young adults tend to be more satisfied with life than their peers

The takeaway from a 2012 study, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, is that narcissism is more beneficial for younger people.

For the study, 368 college students and 439 of their family members filled out surveys on narcissism, life satisfaction, and personality traits. "[O]ur findings suggest that the link between narcissism and life satisfaction is greater for adolescents and young adults than for adults," the authors write.

Specifically, participants who were younger than 26 who displayed certain types of narcissism reported higher life satisfaction and well-being; mothers of students who displayed the same traits did not.

That said, the study also found narcissists of all ages were generally perceived more negatively by others.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

5 heartbreaking aspects of dating a narcissist

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  • Narcissists make stellar first impressions on potential romantic partners.
  • But as time goes on, the relationship may get harder to maintain. 
  • The saddest parts of dating a narcissist are below, including that they're self-absorbed, impatient, and think in black-and-white terms.


Narcissists are notorious for making stellar first impressions. They may sweep you off your feet, make you laugh, convince you that you're soul mates.

At some point though, the relationship may come to a screeching halt as their self-centeredness, impatience, and black-and-white thinking seep through their charming veneer.

Below, we've highlighted some of the saddest parts of dating someone who's more into themselves than they're into you.

SEE ALSO: 5 ways narcissism makes people stronger, smarter, and more successful

DON'T MISS: How to know if you're dating a narcissist

They make you feel incredibly special — then you inevitably disappoint them

Business Insider's Lindsay Dodgson highlights one key way to know you're dating a narcissist: First they suck you in; then they abandon you.

As psychologist Neil J. Lavender writes in a blog post for Psychology Today, narcissists often put their partners on pedestals, then subsequently decide they're worthless and cut off all contact. Psychologists call this process "splitting."

As Lavender writes: "It means experiencing life in black and white with no in between. So they either love you or hate you."



They're always thinking about other people they could be with instead

A 2002 paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology looked at narcissists' "game-playing" tendency in romantic relationships, meaning they get what they want and avoid what they don't want from the relationship.

One potential outcome of the game-playing approach is that narcissists believe they have alternatives to their current partner and may even actively pursue those alternatives. And as Business Insider has previously reported, thinking seriously about other people you could be dating doesn't bode well for the strength of your partnership.



They try to make you the center of attention, until they're more interested in assuming the spotlight themselves

In his 2015 book, "Rethinking Narcissism," Harvard Medical School psychologist Craig Malkin highlights research that suggests one key to a successful relationship is holding positive illusions. That means you see your partner as smarter, more attractive, and generally more appealing than they really are, by objective standards.

Moderate narcissism encourages people to hold these positive illusions about their partner. But Malkin writes (emphasis added):

"When people grow dependent on feeling special, they become grandiose or arrogant. They stop thinking that their partners are the best or most important people in the room because they need to claim that distinction for themselves."



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

7 ways to tell if you're talking to a psychopath or a narcissist

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american psycho

  • Researchers and other experts have pinpointed some key behaviors of narcissists and psychopaths in conversation.
  • Those behaviors include repeating the same false stories and using offensive language.
  • Remember though: Even if you recognize some of these signs in a friend or coworker, you should leave the diagnosis to a mental-health professional.


Generally speaking, you shouldn't walk around looking to diagnose your friends and coworkers as psychopaths and narcissists.

If someone looks over your shoulder while you're talking or seems weirdly distant, there's a good chance they're just having an off day and don't have a pathological problem.

That said, if you notice a pattern of unusual behavior, it might very well warrant more attention.

We looked into the scientific literature and some expert insights to find out the most common conversational behaviors associated with psychopathy and narcissism.

Read on to see if you've noticed any of the following in people you know — or in yourself.

SEE ALSO: 5 heartbreaking aspects of dating a narcissist

DON'T MISS: 5 ways narcissism makes people stronger, smarter, and more successful

Psychopaths tend to speak slowly and quietly

A 2016 review of studies, published in the journal Aggression and Violent Behavior and highlighted on Inc., found that psychopaths tend to speak slowly and control their speech more so than non-psychopaths.

They also use fewer emotional words, keeping a relatively neutral tone.



Psychopaths tend to use more past-tense verbs

That's according to the 2016 review.

Researchers suspect this is because they're more psychologically and emotionally detached from the conversation topics.



Psychopaths tend to use emotional language without displaying much feeling

Psychopaths' language tends to lack what psychologists call an "emotional dimension," according to the 2016 review.

From the paper: "A psychopath can say, 'I love you,' without feeling anything else than asking for a cup of coffee."



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

Steve Bannon called Trump a 'narcissist' and expressed indifference about his candidacy during the 2016 campaign

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trump bannon

  • Early in the 2016 campaign cycle, former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon reportedly called Trump a "narcissist."
  • He also admitted in a January 2016 email exchange obtained by Buzzfeed News that he was "totally indifferent" to Trump's candidacy. 
  • Trump distanced himself from Bannon on Wednesday after reports emerged that Bannon said that a June 2016 meeting with Trump campaign officials and Russians was "treasonous." 


Just weeks before the Iowa caucuses kicked off the beginning of the Republican primary season ahead of the 2016 presidential election, Steve Bannon ridiculed then-candidate Donald Trump, calling him a "narcissist" and expressing indifference about his candidacy. 

The revelations, based on an email exchange between Bannon and several Breitbart News editors in January 2016, come on the heels of a scathing statement in which Trump eviscerated his former chief strategist, saying Bannon has "lost his mind." Buzzfeed News first reported on the emails Wednesday. 

On January 13, 2016, in response to a question from one of his editors about whether the Breitbart staff supported Trump's candidacy, Bannon replied with a firm, "No."

"I'm totally indifferent," Bannon wrote. "I'm darwinian...he who wins, wins."

In subsequent exchanges with his staff, Bannon called Trump a "narcissist" and said that it was "a joke having [Trump] discuss god" with voters on the campaign trail because "he NEVER asks for forgiveness!" 

Despite his criticisms, Bannon would later go on to lead Trump's campaign and become the president's chief strategist at the White House. In August, Trump fired Bannon, who then returned to Breitbart as the right-wing news site's executive chairman. 

Earlier on Wednesday, The Guardian published excerpts of the columnist Michael Wolff's upcoming book, "Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House." In it, Wolff quotes Bannon as saying Jared Kushner, a White House senior adviser, and Donald Trump Jr., the president's eldest son, held what amounted to a "treasonous" meeting with Russian lobbyists at Trump Tower in June 2016. 

The report prompted Trump to go on the offensive against Bannon, attempting to distance himself from someone who was at one point one of his most senior advisers. 

"Steve was a staffer who worked for me after I had already won the nomination by defeating seventeen candidates, often described as the most talented field ever assembled in the Republican party," Trump said in a statement Wednesday. "Now that he is on his own, Steve is learning that winning isn't as easy as I make it look."

"Steve doesn’t represent my base," Trump added, "he’s only in it for himself."

SEE ALSO: Trump eviscerates Steve Bannon in a blistering statement: 'He not only lost his job, he lost his mind'

DON'T MISS: Steve Bannon is out of the White House and back at Breitbart

Join the conversation about this story »

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There are 3 distinct types of narcissists — here's how to spot them

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  • Narcissistic personality disorder is one diagnosis, but there are three distinct types of narcissists.
  • People with the disorder are categorized based on how they act and treat others.
  • Some experts say that identifying a person's type of narcissism can make relationships with them possible, but others say it's best to stay well clear.


To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, someone needs to express five of nine specific traits. People with the disorder are often characterized as having a lack of empathy, a grandiose view of themselves, and a need for admiration.

Though many follow similar patterns, such as love bombing their partners, gaslighting people, and discarding those they no longer have a use for, they can also behave very differently.

Many psychiatrists and therapists separate narcissists into three categories based on their actions: exhibitionist, closet, and toxic.

According to Elinor Greenberg, a therapist who wrote the book "Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety," a person's form of narcissism can depend on their upbringing.

Exhibitionist narcissists represent the stereotype

For example, exhibitionist — or grandiose — narcissists have the "look at me" mindset children often have.

Children generally can't conceive of their parents' problems, "so they don't have empathy that way," Greenberg said. "If you go through the stage with sufficient attention, then you grow out of it and get satisfied, and it's over."

But some people, she said, grow up in homes where children are encouraged to be narcissistic — for example, they may be told their family name makes them special and that they deserve success because it's "in your blood."

The exhibitionist is the stereotypical idea of a narcissist, said Shannon Thomas, a licensed clinical social worker who wrote "Healing from Hidden Abuse."

"They think they're amazing — they think themselves to be smarter, better-looking, more powerful than other people, and they pretty much believe it," she told Business Insider. "Even with their friends and peers, they believe themselves to be one step up."

Exhibitionist narcissists don't tend to be insecure, Thomas said. When they aren't bragging about themselves, they're putting down everyone else. They are often carelessly rude and cruel about people and tend to ignore or not even notice how others react to it.

Closet narcissists have different personas

Some people with narcissistic personality disorder may have grown up with another narcissist in the family competing with or discouraging them, Greenberg said, and they may give approval only when they are worshipped.

Closet — or covert — narcissists want to be special but are conflicted about it. Like exhibitionists, closet narcissists also feel incredibly entitled, but they are also much more insecure.

"A closet narcissist doesn't say, 'I am special,'" Greenberg said. "They point to something else — a person, a religion, a book, a dress designer — and they are special, so they feel special by association."

She added: "When someone feels special because they have a designer thing on and other people can tell, that's special by association. For closet narcissists, they usually have self-doubt, and they are looking for the person they can idealize."

They also tend to behave in a much more passive-aggressive way. For instance, they are likely to set their romantic partners up for frustration all the time. They may say they will do something but not do it, then get a kick out of other people's reactions.

"They do what they want to do when they want to do it," Thomas said. "And then they make themselves look like the victim."

Constantly saying one thing and doing another can make people close to a closet narcissist feel gaslighted, where they start to question reality and feel as if they're going crazy. The closet narcissist may start blaming their partner for things they didn't do, but the partner can end up believing it because their sense of the world has become so warped.

Whereas exhibitionist narcissists' behavior is fairly consistent, closet narcissists have different personas. They tend to act differently in certain situations — they may be charismatic and kind in public but abusive and cruel when they are with just their partner, who may feel even more confused.

Toxic narcissists crave chaos and destruction

Toxic — or malignant — narcissists take it a step further. Not only do they want the attention, but they also want everyone else to feel inferior. They tend to be sadistic and enjoy hurting other people, thriving on their fear.

"The toxic narcissist is like the evil queen in 'Snow White,'" Greenberg said. "When the mirror says Snow White is prettier than her, she decides to kill Snow White and keep her heart in a box."

Toxic narcissists find it entertaining to set people up and watch them fall, something Thomas calls an extra layer of sadistic behavior.

"It's bordering on that antisocial personality disorder coming out of narcissistic personality," she said. "Folks who are perfectly fine destroying careers of other people, basically fine with just imploding people emotionally, physically, and spiritually."

There tends to be a lot of chaos around a toxic narcissist, Thomas said, because they enjoy it and thrive on feeling that they have created havoc for someone else.

"Harmony is not their goal," she said. "We're worn out by it, but they actually gain energy through it. That's why we see them spinning different issues and different dramas with people. They always say, 'I hate drama,' but they're in the center of it every time."

Relationships with narcissists can be risky

People with narcissistic personality disorder lack object constancy, meaning that, for example, when they are angry with a partner, they can't see that in the context of the relationship and tend to display only hatred or a desire to hurt the partner.

This can make relationships with narcissists — whether romantic, familial, or professional — very draining.

Greenberg says it may be possible to maintain a relationship with a narcissist if you identify their type and how they function. Many relationship experts, however, say it's best to stay away altogether.

In the long run, it's your decision, but it's worth reading beforehand about what you may be getting yourself into.

SEE ALSO: The opposite of a narcissist is called an 'empath'— here are the signs you could be one

Join the conversation about this story »

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How to know if you or someone you know is a narcissist, according to a clinical psychologist

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narcissist

  • Narcissists share certain key behaviors. 
  • One of the most common traits associated with narcissists is a lack of empathy, as well as an inability to relate to the emotions of others. 
  • While narcissists may appear to have an inflated sense of self-importance, this often stems from low self-esteem and insecurity. 

 

Sometimes it seems like we live in a world plagued by people with an inflated sense of self-importance — like that one Facebook friend who brags about every minute of her life, or the coworker who drones on and on about how wonderful he is.

But it can be hard to decipher whether these people simply lack self-awareness or if they suffer from a deeper problem, like narcissism.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles and a licensed clinical psychologist, shares some of the qualities that might make you, or someone you know, a narcissist.

SEE ALSO: 5 tips for making a long-distance relationship work, according to relationship experts

You blame others for your problems

Durvasula says one common quality of narcissists is never taking ownership when they make mistakes. They will blame anyone they can instead of admitting their wrongdoing.



You've been told you lack empathy

This is often recognized as the hallmark quality of narcissists. People with narcissistic personality disorder are often incapable of relating to the feelings of others.



If you do something kind for someone, you expect endless thanks

When narcissists buy someone a gift, they expect an inappropriate amount of gratitude. This quality applies in the workplace, too. "Let's say they help you, mentor you or advance you," Durvasula says. "They will expect you to thank them and be grateful for that for the rest of your life."



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

7 signs you're dating a narcissist, according to a clinical psychologist

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Narcissistic personality disorder

  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a condition characterized by a severe lack of empathy for others, selfishness, and an excessive need for admiration.
  • It can be hard to spot some narcissistic qualities in the person you're dating.
  • An official diagnosis can only be done by a doctor, but there are some telltale signs that indicate someone could be a narcissist.

     

Your significant other brags seemingly 24/7, always knows the 'best' way to do everything, and can't handle criticism. Sound familiar? You may be dating a narcissist.

About 6% of the population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which affects more men than women— 7.7% vs 4.8%, according to research published in The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.

Business Insider spoke to Dr. Gene Beresin, executive director at The Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital and Dr. Forrest Talley, a California-based clinical psychologist to identify warning signs that you may be dating someone with NPD.

An official diagnosis can only be done by a doctor, but here are a red flags to look our for:

SEE ALSO: How to know if you or someone you know is a narcissist, according to a clinical psychologist

They only like to talk about themselves

If you're dating someone extremely self absorbed, your date night conversation will most likely revolve around his or her achievements, success, and interests.

"The narcissist will often appear bored when talking about you, or change the subject to focus on them," Beresin said. "Sometimes they are good listeners, but only when it enhances their own needs and desires."



They want you to provide them with constant praise

Narcissists always want to be the center of attention and will expect their S.O. to acknowledge their achievements, talents, and appearance at all times. (Yes, even when you are at a social get-together.)

According to Beresin, your relationship may suffer if you don't dote on him or her. They may take offense if you show any sign of disapproval, disagree with what they say, or if you question how great they are.



They are demeaning towards other people

Egocentrics often obsess over the negative aspects of other peoples lives. Even their close friends and family members may not be spared from the judgment. Narcissists often think they can do a better job than others, which reinforces the belief that they are always right.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

A new study says you can spot a narcissist by one distinct feature

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Narcissist eyebrows

  • According to a new study, people tend to view you as narcissistic if you have thicker and denser eyebrows. 
  • Researchers think this could be because well-groomed eyebrows mean you focus a lot of energy on looking good. 
  • They also noted that eyebrows are highly important for social functions and nonverbal communication.

Aside from suspiciously white teeth and an ungodly number of selfies on their phone, is there a way to spot a narcissist? According to a new study, look no further than their eyebrows.

New research from the University of Toronto, published in the Journal of Personality, has suggested that people with “distinctive eyebrows” are more likely to display narcissistic personality traits.

The word “narcissist” comes from the ancient Greek story of young Narcissus, who fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. In general, people with strong narcissistic personality traits score very highly on the self-loving spectrum. They often make good first impressions, appearing to be likable and charming, but they also exhibit self-centered and selfish behavior, often with a grandiose view of their own abilities or appearance.

For an unclear reason, they also have great eyebrows too.

The team of researchers came to this conclusion by photographing almost 40 undergrad students with neutral expressions. They then got the students to carry out a psychological test known as the Narcissistic Personality Inventory to test the strength of any narcissistic traits. The researchers showed the photographs to other participants and asked them to guess how narcissistic each person was based on how they looked.

First of all, their initial results showed participants were particularly good at using eyebrows to make an estimation of the student’s levels of narcissism. In particular, eyebrow thickness and a high density of hair were most likely to be used as an accurate judge of narcissism.

They expanded on this by measuring how much perceptions of narcissism changed when swapping narcissists’ and non-narcissists’ eyebrows between faces. This showed that they rated narcissists’ faces as less narcissistic when they donned non-narcissists’ eyebrows and vice versa.

They concluded that this shows "distinctive eyebrows reveal narcissists’ personality to others," as well as strongly influencing whether people view you as narcissistic.

So, why could this be the case? The researchers didn’t look for a mechanism to explain this link, but they note eyebrows are highly important for social functions and nonverbal communication, so we have an especially acute sense for them. Furthermore, the eyebrow can be used as a microcosm of a person’s wider appearance and identity.

Narcissists seek to be admired so maintain a high level of grooming. “Individuals reporting high levels of narcissism tend to wear more fashionable, stylish, and expensive clothing; have a neater, more organized appearance; and look more attractive,” the study authors write. 

Eyebrows are also very important for facial recognition and mate selection (in both females and males), and a pair of meticulously well-kept eyebrows suggest the owner knows this. 

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It turns out, being a narcissist means you're more likely to succeed thanks to this one key feature

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  • Narcissism is defined as an "excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance."
  • While it is not usually a desired trait, a new study claims that narcissism could help people get ahead in life. 
  • Narcissists are more likely to be mentally tough, which can ultimately lead to more success. 

Are you feeling underappreciated? Do you love swearing? Are you literally better than everyone else? Well, you might just be a narcissist. Although this personality trait might not get you loads of friends, it could help you achieve more by enhancing your mental toughness, according to a new study published in Personality and Individual Differences.

So what exactly is narcissism? It can be defined as an "excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance" – think people who post a few too many selfies on Instagram. It involves qualities like egotism, a lack of empathy, and grandiosity. 

"Narcissism is considered as a socially malevolent trait and it is part of the dark triad of personality traits – narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism," lead study author Dr Kostas Papageorgiou, from Queen’s University Belfast, told the Belfast Telegraph.

"Previous studies indicate that narcissism is a growing trend in our society but this does not necessarily mean that an individual who displays high narcissistic qualities has a personality disorder."

People who have the ominous-sounding dark triad of personality traits are considered to have malevolent – or "evil" – qualities. Machiavellianism involves manipulating and exploiting others for selfish gain while psychopathy can be characterized by things like callousness, remorselessness, and antisocial behavior. Intrigued by where you'd come on the evilness scale? Check out this quiz.

The latest piece of research looked at 340 high school students from the Milan Province in Italy. The teens were assessed for levels of subclinical narcissism, or "normal narcissism," which was compared to their academic success. They didn’t find a direct correlation between narcissism and achievement but they did find a link. Narcissists were more likely to be mentally tough, and those with higher mental toughness tended to do better at school.

Therefore, being a narcissist might help you get ahead in life as you’re more likely to have mental resilience, allowing you to achieve more.

"Being confident in your own abilities is one of the key signs of grandiose narcissism and is also at the core of mental toughness," explained Dr. Papageorgiou. "If a person is mentally tough, they are likely to embrace challenges and see these as an opportunity for personal growth."

Although narcissism is seen as a pretty undesirable trait, it can certainly help people get ahead in their careers. Just think of Trump and Kim Kardashian. And it seems narcissism doesn’t just get you ahead when it comes to school and work. Dr. Papageorgiou told BBC News that narcissists are also pretty good when it comes to dating thanks to the charm and charisma they’ve developed to manipulate and persuade others. Worried you might be dating a narcissist? Find out here.    

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21 signs you're a narcissist

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Narcissistic personality disorder

  • Narcissistic behavior includes self-righteousness, a pattern of cheating in relationships, and taking advantage of other people.
  • We put together a list of 21 typical behaviors of narcissists, based on research and expert opinion.
  • This list isn't intended to be diagnostic, but it can give you a good idea of whether you or someone you know might be a narcissist.

You're more likely to find a narcissist in the C-suite than on the street, research suggests

That's because the traits that make narcissists so difficult to hang out with or date — including a constant need for validation, a willingness to control people, and a ruthlessness in getting their needs met — happen to make them super effective at rising up the ranks.  

To help you figure out if you, or perhaps your boss, are a narcissist, we combed through the psychology literature looking for patterns of narcissistic behavior. We also spoke with Joseph Burgo, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of "The Narcissist You Know."

Here are 21 common signs of narcissism.

This is an update of an article originally written by Vivian Giang, with additional contributions by Drake Baer. 

SEE ALSO: 4 reasons narcissists can be highly effective leaders

You are a bad sport.

Burgo says some narcissists are bullies — and one of their most troublesome traits is their tendency to be a sore loser and a sore winner.

For example, when they lose in a sports match, they might try to humiliate the referee. When they win, they might gloat excessively or act abusive to the losing party.



You constantly feel underappreciated.

The kind of people that Burgo calls "grandiose" narcissists always hold a grievance against the world.

They typically feel entitled to something better and think they're not getting the recognition they deserve from others.



If you're not grandiose, then you're introverted, hypersensitive, defensive, and anxious.

Psychologists talk about the "two faces of narcissism." On one end there's the hyper-aggressive, super-loud type. But there's a softer form of narcissism, too. It's called "covert narcissism," which is denoted by introversion, hypersensitivity, defensiveness, and anxiety.

"Both shades of narcissism shared a common core of conceit, arrogance, and the tendency to give in to one's own needs and disregard others," Scientific American reports.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

7 signs you may be dealing with a narcissistic coworker or boss — and how to deal with them

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  • A narcissist at work may make your day-to-day difficult.
  • In many situations, there isn't much you can do besides work around your narcissistic coworker.
  • However, if your organization is tolerating a workplace bully or rewarding a narcissist with raises or promotions, you may need to consider finding a new job.

 

The leading piece of advice on getting involved with a narcissist: Don't do it.

"However, sometimes that is impossible if the narcissist is your boss or coworker," Dr. Neil J. Lavender, author of "Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job," told Business Insider.

The most important thing to keep in mind with a narcissistic coworker is that changing them is very difficult, if not impossible, Lavender said. They're going to be focused on getting ahead, displaying their inherent superiority over others, and rejecting all evidence that they're not flawless.

"There is very little that anyone can do to change a narcissist because that would fundamentally involve them admitting there is a problem, which is a near impossible task," Dr. Karlyn Borysenko, Principal at Zen Workplace, told Business Insider.

While there are cases where a narcissist's behavior necessitates approaching the higher-ups or finding a new job, most narcissist coworkers aren't really threatening. So, focus on keeping your sanity and structuring your behaviors in a way that won't set the narcissist off, thereby making them an even bigger presence in your life.

Here are seven signs that you may be dealing with a narcissistic coworker — and how to handle them.

SEE ALSO: Everyone’s a little bit narcissistic, but 5 traits can give true narcissists away

They love you in one moment, and hate you in the next

Narcissists see the world in black and white.

"They will love you at first but if you disappoint them they will hate you," Lavender said. "There is no middle-of-the-road."

What to do: When they're being kind, enjoy it. But Lavender said it's likely that they're just buttering you up for their own benefit, so watch out. The best tactic is to steer clear of him or her, but that may be unavoidable. 

If they're going on a tirade about something you or someone else did wrong, re-direct the conversation to the task at hand. Try this line from Harvard Medical School lecturer Dr. Craig Malkin, author of "Rethinking Narcissism":

"I'm not sure how this feedback helps us solve the problems and finish the project. What specific changes did you want to make or have in mind? Let's just make them so we can wrap this up."



They refuse to talk about anything other than themselves

If your coworker is constantly gearing the conversation back to themselves, they might be a narcissist.

"They always want to be surrounded by their 'fans' and love 'holding court,' telling stories while others listen in a state of rapture," Lavender said. "Often these stories center around what they considered to be their 'amazing' accomplishments, usually over exaggerating their achievements."

What to do: Understanding that you can't stop your coworker from these flights of fancy, try to change how you think about them instead. 

"Remove the expectation that they are going to behave logically," Borysenko said. "It's not going to happen, and once you detach from that expectation it will help put their behaviors in context."



They try to take credit for your ideas

Harvard Medical School lecturer Dr. Craig Malkin, author of “Rethinking Narcissism,” said your narcissist coworker might try to claim credit for your ideas.

What to do: While some narcissistic behaviors, like the tendency to glaze over if you talk about anything other than their amazing selves, are simply annoying, this one could damage your success at the workplace. So, you can't just ignore this act. 

The typical course of action if someone is stealing your ideas is to approach the coworker and tell them that what they're doing isn't acceptable.

In this case, however, Malkin said you should go even further and "meticulously record all your work ... when working with the idea thief so everyone knows where the work came from."

That means saving emails in a folder when they display your ideas, or taking notes during meetings so you can record when an idea is your own.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

There's a reason your narcissistic coworkers might be getting promotions instead of you — here's what you can learn from them

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  • Narcissists often believe that they can accomplish anything, even if they don't have the abilities necessary for the task.
  • Many narcissistic people are able to stave off impostor syndrome, a condition in which skilled and admired people believe themselves to be frauds.
  • Here's how to implement the good parts of narcissism— and don't worry, it won't make you an egomaniac. 

 

People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are fundamentally special, have no qualms about taking advantage of others, and need constant attention and praise. 

In the workplace, they're likely the ones trying to manipulate everyone around them to get a promotion or telling outlandish stories about their recent accomplishments. 

But there's one mental block that most narcissists never have to experience: impostor syndrome.

Ultra-successful people like author John Green, Sheryl Sandberg, and Tina Fey have all dealt with impostor syndrome. This psychological phenomenon defines a feeling that, despite being skilled and hard working, you don't deserve any of your successes and will soon be exposed for your fraud. 

Narcissists, on the other hand, believe that they're destined for great things, whether or not they have the skills to get there. Instead of doubting their skills and feeling unable to ask for more from their employers, they demand more opportunities and leadership roles. 

"They don’t suffer from the impostor syndrome that holds so many people back from achieving great success," Dr. Karlyn Borysenko, Principal at Zen Workplace, told Business Insider. 

Implementing a little bit of their own thinking could radically change how you go after new opportunities, Borysenko said.

The best way to get to the next level of your career isn't by hoping that someone notices you, it's by being proactive and asking for it yourself. That's something narcissists do naturally. 

"What if you were able to create your own reality in that way, where there is no possibility of your failure?" Borysenko told Business Insider. "How many more opportunities would you go after? How much more would you achieve?"

So, stop doubting yourself, take a look at what you've accomplished in your role, and ask for something new or bigger if that's what you're yearning for.

Something about that approach is definitely working for narcissists. Studies have shown that narcissists are more likely to assume leadership roles — though research has also shown that they're not necessarily more effective leaders.

And this isn't the only indication that we can steal some tricks from narcissists. As Business Insider's Shana Lebowitz previously reported, some research suggests that narcissists are less depressed, anxious, and lonely than the general population. They also tend to make better first impressions.

Borysenko noted that taking some lessons from a narcissist’s way of thinking doesn’t, in turn, make you a narcissist. They have a psychological disease that begins forming at a young age.

"Learn what you can from them and use what you can to help you achieve your own dreams," Borysenko said.

SEE ALSO: 7 signs you may be dealing with a narcissistic coworker or boss — and how to deal with them

DON'T MISS: 5 ways narcissism makes people stronger, smarter, and more successful

Join the conversation about this story »

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11 signs your boss may be a narcissist, including lots of swearing and a love of being in control

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  • A narcissist at work may make your day-to-day difficult.
  • It's not much better if that narcissist is your boss
  • There are many narcissists in power because of traits they're able to leverage, such as risk-taking and being charming.

 

Research suggests that you're more likely to find a narcissist in the corner office than just about anywhere else. 

As psychoanalyst leadership expert Michael Maccoby has argued, that's because narcissists often thrive in leadership roles, since so-called "productive narcissists" are super comfortable with risk and charming enough to get people's backing for their ideas. 

"Narcissists have always emerged to inspire people and to shape the future," Maccoby wrote for Harvard Business Review. "Consider how an executive at Oracle describes his narcissistic CEO Larry Ellison: 'The difference between God and Larry is that God does not believe he is Larry.'" 

But the problem, of course, is that narcissists are typically looking out for themselves, ready to cut down anybody who challenges them, and like to take credit for other people's work

Here are eleven signs you may be working for a narcissist. 

Drake Baer and Vivian Giang contributed to an earlier version of this article.

SEE ALSO: There's a reason your narcissistic coworkers might be getting promotions instead of you — here's what you can learn from them

DON'T MISS: 7 signs you may be dealing with a narcissistic coworker or boss — and how to deal with them

They like to put people down

Narcissistic people intentionally put down others in order to maintain a high positive image of themselves.

"Seeking admiration is like a drug for narcissists," Mitja D. Back, a psychologist at Johannes Gutenberg University in Mainz, Germany, told Psychology Today. "In the long run it becomes difficult because others won't applaud them, so they always have to search for new acquaintances from whom they get the next fix."

Needless to say, serious control issues and the need to build themselves up at the expense of others may not make for the ideal manager



Even though they're often negative about everyone around them, they reject critiques of themselves

A narcissist won't accept even the smallest piece of criticism, Dr. Karlyn Borysenko, Principal at Zen Workplace, previously told Business Insider.

Any inkling that they're less than perfect will drive them over the edge.



They really, really love being in control

Narcissists typically enjoy leadership positions since they are able to dominate others and fulfill their need for constant positive reinforcement.

They thrive in "leadership situations where they can dazzle and dominate others without having to cooperate or suffer the consequences of a bad reputation,"psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman wrote on Psychology Today.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

Here's what happens when you break up with a narcissist

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  • Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience.
  • Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back.
  • Both experiences are extremely hurtful.
  • Narcissists are highly skilled at making you feel as though you were the most important person in the world, only to tear it all away.
  • It's important to remember that however much it hurts right now, you're better off without the toxic person in your life.


It is challenging and exhausting being romantically involved with a narcissist, but they can also cause havoc when they leave. Breakups are always hard, but when you've been in a relationship with someone who uses others and is obsessed with themselves, it can be even harder.

On the surface, narcissists can seem charming, engaging and charismatic, which can make them difficult to leave in the first place.

Dr Judith Orloff, a clinical psychiatrist at the University of California Los Angeles, wrote in a blog post on Psychology Today that narcissists can make you "fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you're giving up a part of your heart to leave them," because they're very good at becoming the centre of your universe while you're with them.

Here's what to expect if you break up with a narcissist.

SEE ALSO: All the sacrifices you'll have to make for a relationship with a narcissist to work

It can feel brutal and sudden

One minute you may feel like everything your partner has ever wanted, and the next you're left wondering what on Earth went wrong. This is because narcissists are great at playing a part while they're getting something from their source, according to Orloff. But when they're done using you, they have no difficulty in casting you aside like a used tissue.

There will be no apologies or remorse, and you may well never hear from them again, regardless of how long your relationship was. If they do return, it will be because they've realized they can get something from you.



Be prepared for begging, pleading or bargaining

If you're the one who chose to leave, good for you because Orloff says that's hard to do. They are likely to give you the fight of your life because they're not done with you yet. Narcissists hate losing their supply, so they won't let you go easily.

Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."

Don't listen, Orloff advises. It's just a trick to get you to come back to them out of fear.



What next? Establish no contact

No contact is exactly what it sounds like: no contact whatsoever. That means blocking their number, making sure any emails from their address go into your spam folder, and deleting them off social media. This is tough, but mental health counselor Dr Stephanie Sarkis explains in a blog post on Psychology today that it's the best option because sooner or later the narcissist will find a way to return.

The narcissist will try to contact you if you cut off their supply, and they know just what to say to make you come back. So you have to be brutal, and fast. It may be best to break up with them over text also, so they can't manipulate you any further.

If you left something at the narcissist's house, Sarkis adds, you should just leave it and let it go. Consider it a very small price to pay for your own sanity and well-being.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

The 4 signs you're dating a narcissist, according to a therapist

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When a narcissist targets their victim, there's little chance of escape. They've identified the strength they want to use for their own gain or destroy, and they strike when they know they'll succeed.

There are several red flags someone is toxic when you start spending time with them — some might even be visible on a first date.

But if you're unsure, there are four major signs the person you've started dating is a narcissist, according to counsellor Suzanne Degges-White in a blog post for Psychology Today.

Essentially, she says, it all comes down to whether you think your partner is trying to change you, and you feel like everything they say and do is for their own gain.

If you suspect you're being abused by a narcissist, you should be aware it takes the average person seven times to leave. So it's a good idea to be vigilant and know the signs early on.

1. Gifts always have strings attached

At the beginning stages of a relationship with a narcissist, they will likely be charming and full of affection. This is known as the love bombing stage, and during it the victim can expect gifts, compliments, and their full attention. However, as time goes by, they may notice the narcissist is losing interest, and every gift suddenly has a catch.

Degges-White says narcissists see people as objects and leave their partners feeling like accessories. So if they feel their affection is being bought, it's a sign there are strings attached.



2. You feel guilty

Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and they know how to twist any situation to make their victims feel ashamed, guilty, and responsible for everything that's gone wrong. They believe they're entitled to every shred of their partner's attention, so they label anything else as "selfish."

"When someone tries to convince you that they know better than you do about what would make you happy or help you become a 'better you,' take that as a warning sign that the purpose of the change is to please your partner, not support you," says Degges-White.



3. You feel like an object

The victim will never win an argument with a narcissist. Rows can quickly spiral out of control, and they may use tactics to baffle their partner — speaking very quickly and making confusing and contradictory statements, known as a "word salad."

In private, they will argue and abuse, while in public they'll be charming and show their victim off. Essentially, they only see their worth when they have someone else to boast to. The rest of the time, the victim is just a punching bag — both metaphorically and literally.

Degges-White says if someone is more concerned about themselves (or what other people think) than the relationship, then they're probably a narcissist.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

An influencer left a furious Yelp review when a restaurant didn't discount their food, and a trauma therapist says it could be a sign of narcissism

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  • An Instagram influencer left a furious review on a restaurant's Yelp page after they weren't offered a discount.
  • The review, posted on the subreddit r/trashy, showed they gave one star even though they said the food was "delicious."
  • The influencer, whose name was redacted in the screenshot posted to Reddit, said she told the manager that she had 11,000 Instagram followers, but was shocked to find when the bill arrived "there was literally no discount at all."
  • Insider was unable to verify the post but, if legitimate, trauma therapist Shannon Thomas told Insider it could be explained by a dark personality with a bruised ego.
  • "Reality hit this 'influencer' when they were denied what they believed their online position afforded them," she said. "Narcissistic tendencies run rampant among influencers who fail to see the limitations of their branding reach."
  • Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.

One furious influencer left a Yelp review when they were not offered special treatment at a restaurant. A screenshot was posted on the subreddit r/trashy.

After saying the calamari, spaghetti alle vongoli, and gnocchi were all delicious, the reviewer still gave the restaurant just one star because of the "cheap management" not giving them a discount.

"I told [the manager] it was some of the best Italian food I've had and I told her I'm going to post about it on Instagram where I have over 11 thousand followers," the review says. "I thought that she would be greatful [sic] for the free advertising but when the check came there was no discount at all."

Read more: Being an Instagram influencer is hard work, and people who hate on them are just jealous

The influencer thought "at least one of the entrees would be taken off" and when the full bill came, they decided they would never step foot inside the place again.

"Which is a shame because the food was very good. The manager needs to understand how to treat customers."

This experience wasn't a one-off

It's part of the influencer lifestyle to receive meals, experiences, and products for free in return for publicity. But it's usually agreed on beforehand, and there have been many instances of influencers being publicly shamed for daring to ask for freebies on the spot.

One commenter on the subreddit said they were yelled at by a woman at the brewery they worked in because she wanted free beers due to her "certified" Yelp reviewer status.

"She told me, and I quote: 'Well, I just thought, you know, I can make or break your brewery with my review,'" they wrote. "She didn't end up buying the cans of beer and I just took them home."

Another person said they work in a hotel which costs upwards of $300 per night.

"We tell self-described 'influencers' to get f---ed," they said.

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Trauma therapist Shannon Thomas, author of "Healing from Hidden Abuse," told Insider there's more than simple delusion going on here. The story highlights a dark personality trait that can be seen in influencers who are on the more entitled end of the spectrum.

Social media has created both world-famous influencers and micro-influencers who can use fame and following to their advantage. But some believe their online status will always translate to real-world benefits. In reality, Thomas said, the restaurant manager was correct to thank the influencer for the earned good review and nothing more.

"Reality hit this 'influencer' when they were denied what they believed their online position afforded them," she said. "Narcissistic tendencies run rampant among influencers who fail to see the limitations of their branding reach."

Narcissistic rage is fierce and unrelenting

If an over-exaggerated ego is fed with a daily dose of online attention — likes and comments — this can culminate in a "disconnect of realistic expectations."

"The bad restaurant review stemmed from a bruised ego and is likely connected to what is commonly known as a 'narcissistic injury,'" Thomas said. "This occurs when a toxic person's reaction is grossly inflated in light of the actual offense."

Nothing makes a narcissist more furious than if they feel they've been disrespected. Anything or anyone that goes against their beliefs and expectations is seen as a direct attack, and will suffer the wrath of narcissistic rage.

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3 signs that your manager or boss may be a narcissist

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Summary List Placement

Relationships at work matter greatly to our well-being, and perhaps no work relationship affects us more strongly than the one we have with our manager. In fact, people who leave their job frequently report that their manager is their most important reason for doing so.

Managers' narcissistic tendencies are often a key issue that troubles their relationship with their employees. Although narcissists tend to make a good first impression, their true nature unfolds over time and reveals that they care above all about themselves, not about others.

Our recent studies show that narcissistic managers are poorly equipped to develop good, sustainable relationships with others because their selfish behavior and disregard for others erodes what is the basis of all good relationships — trust.

My fellow researchers and I therefore wondered: Could some narcissistic managers develop the ability to camouflage their lack of concern for others and make others trust them by creating the impression that they care?

How do narcissistic managers erode others' trust in them?

Narcissistic individuals display a range of self-centered characteristics, including selfishness, entitlement, arrogance, and the exploition of people for personal gain. They consider themselves as more important, talented, and attractive than others, but they are also insecure about themselves and have a strong need to be admired. Narcissists thus simultaneously crave other people's reaffirmation and validation of their inflated self-image, and feel entitled to attention and admiration.

This duality of craving and feeling entitled to admiration leads narcissistic individuals to consider themselves born to be leaders and to feel entitled to leadership positions, positions in which they may be seen and admired.

Unfortunately, we tend to interpret a narcissistic individual's overconfidence as a signal that they are, in fact, competent and that they would make a good leader. So narcissists' aspiration for leadership positions combined with the good first impressions that they make can cause them to rise in hierarchies, which results in narcissistic traits being relatively common among managers.

Although narcissistic individuals may make a good impression initially, they can be ill-suited to leadership positions, because effective leadership requires developing collaborative, reciprocal, trusting relationships with others. Instead, as our research consistently finds, narcissistic managers are considered less trustworthy by those who work for them. This is because developing trust requires integrity and caring about others, neither of which come natural to narcissistic individuals.

In fact, narcissistic managers are likely to put their own interests ahead of those of others and may even step on others when doing so is needed to achieve personal gain. Consequently, as our studies confirmed, a narcissistic, untrustworthy manager will make people feel unsafe to take risks, make mistakes, and express themselves openly.

Is it easy to spot a narcissist?

Because the effects of narcissistic leaders are likely to come out and their true nature may be revealed over time, it is tempting to think that we could easily detect a narcissistic manager. If this is the case, we may simply — through selection tests in organizational recruitments, for example — try to detect them and ensure that they're not selected for leadership positions.

Such efforts certainly hold merit, as narcissistic individuals are typically not shy about admitting that they want to be admired or even that they overlook the interests of others. Indeed, in general, narcissists do not present themselves as agreeable or modest. However, narcissists are not incompetent and they have the capability to learn that they may be even more effective in attaining their selfish goals if they present themselves in a socially acceptable way or, in other words, if they camouflage their lack of care and fly under the radar.

A consistent finding in our studies is that some narcissistic managers engage in techniques to manage the impression that others have of them — they actively seek to behave in ways that makes them appear sincere to others. Moreover, our findings indicate that these impression-management techniques can be successful: employees perceive highly narcissistic managers that try to make themselves appear sincere as more trustworthy than their highly narcissistic counterparts who do not engage in this impression management behaviour and, because of this, their employees feel safer to express themselves openly. In a nutshell, they can fake that they care and be successful in doing so.

What might this fake caring look like?

When someone behaves in a way that seems caring, it can be difficult to tell whether or not they are faking it. Fortunately, there may be some signs. In general, the fact that narcissistic individuals need to learn how to give others the impression that they care, means that they cannot rely on spontaneous behaviour and responses. This means that their seemingly sincere behaviour is likely to appear awkward or scripted. For example:

  • Someone who is truly caring is likely to spontaneously ask you how you are doing, and is likely to be aware of what is going on in your life. In contrast, a person who does not really care is less likely to ask you spontaneously. Instead, it could be that they only ever ask how you are after you have just asked them. It could simply be that your question reminded them to express caring about you in return. Moreover, they may be unlikely to ask follow-up questions after having shown their superficially caring behaviour. After all, they are not truly interested in you.
  • Someone who is truly caring is likely to listen and be more empathic. In contrast, if you find yourself telling a story about your own experience and the experience suddenly appears to be about them, their seemingly empathic response to your story might be only an opportunity for them to tell a story about themselves. Similarly, it is possible that their reaction to your story is not empathic at all, remains superficial, and only sticks to the facts.
  • At the same time, however, if they only let you talk and never share or relate to what you are saying, it may well be that they have made you believe that they are interested in you but that they do not actually care. Someone who is caring and trustworthy is likely to express trust in you as well — for example, by sharing about their own life — because trustworthy people are likely to see relationships as a two-way street.

Most people have a natural inclination to trust others who show signs of caring, so we are vulnerable to the assumption that narcissists have good intentions, especially those narcissists who engage in extra effort to appear sincere. Some awareness of this effect and the ways in which we might recognize fake caring is helpful to protect well-intentioned people from being exploited and manipulated.

Melvyn R.W. Hamstra, assistant professor in leadership and organizational behavior, IÉSEG School of Management

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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Why narcissistic people are more likely to be aggressive or violent — and how social media is making it worse

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Summary List Placement

We recently reviewed 437 studies of narcissism and aggression involving a total of over 123,000 participants and found narcissism is related to a 21% increase in aggression and an 18% increase in violence.

Narcissism is defined as "entitled self-importance." The term narcissism comes from the mythical Greek character Narcissus, who fell in love with his own image reflected in still water. Aggression is defined as any behavior intended to harm another person who does not want to be harmed, whereas violence is defined as aggression that involves extreme physical harm such as injury or death.

Our review found that individuals high in narcissism are especially aggressive when provoked, but are also aggressive when they aren't provoked. Study participants with high levels of narcissism showed high levels of physical aggression, verbal aggression, spreading gossip, bullying others, and even displacing aggression against innocent bystanders. They attacked in both a hotheaded and coldblooded manner. Narcissism was related to aggression in males and females of all ages from both Western and Eastern countries.

People who think they are superior seem to have no qualms about attacking others whom they regard as inferior.

Read more: 19 signs that you're a narcissist and don't even know it

Why it matters

Research shows everyone has some level of narcissism, but some people have higher levels than others. The higher the level of narcissism, the higher the level of aggression.

People high in narcissism tend to be bad relationship partners, and they also tend to discriminate against others and to be low in empathy.

Unfortunately, narcissism is on the rise, and social media might be a contributing factor. Recent research found people who posted large numbers of selfies on social media developed a 25% rise in narcissistic traits over a four-month period. A 2019 survey by the smartphone company Honor found that 85% of people are taking more pictures of themselves than ever before. In recent years, social media has largely evolved from keeping in touch with others to flaunting for attention.

What other research is being done

One very important line of work investigates how people become narcissistic in the first place. For example, one study found that when parents overvalue, overestimate, and overpraise their child's qualities, their child tends to become more narcissistic over time. Such parents think their child is more special and entitled than other children. This study also found that if parents want their child to have healthy self-esteem instead of unhealthy narcissism, they should give unconditional warmth and love to their child.

Our review looked at the link between narcissism and aggression at the individual level. But the link also exists at the group level. Research has found that "collective narcissism"— or "my group is superior to your group"— is related to intergroup aggression, especially when one's in-group ("us") is threatened by an out-group ("them").

How we do our work

Our study, called a meta-analytic review, combined data from multiple studies investigating the same topic to develop a conclusion that is statistically stronger because of the increased number of participants. A meta-analytic review can reveal patterns that aren't obvious in any one study. It is like looking at the entire forest rather than at the individual trees.

Brad Bushman, professor of communication and psychology, The Ohio State University and Sophie Kjaervik, PhD student in communication, The Ohio State University

The Conversation

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